May 18th, 2011
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Author: Okay, I'm not happy , exactly, that, as a Jew, I am excluded from Saturday's date with Heaven's eternal rewards, and will instead be left to suffer through great tribulations before perishing, with the rest of the Army of the Antichrist, as a dismembered corpse beneath a waste-deep river of blood.
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Okay, I'm not happy, exactly, that, as a Jew, I am excluded from Saturday's date with Heaven's eternal rewards, and will instead be left to suffer through great tribulations before perishing, with the rest of the Army of the Antichrist, as a dismembered corpse beneath a waste-deep river of blood.
But hey, not my call. So, if that's how it's gonna be — and since those of you who might be offended won't be around long to complain — let me say: I'm really looking forward to life after all you Christians are gone.
I'll be honest: you can be pretty annoying. Slowing up the line at Kupel's with all your questions about bagel toppings. Asking us to explain matzo and dreidel at the holidays. Whining every December if there's a patch of space not plastered over with your Christmas kitsch. Making Holocaust movies implying that my family could have avoided slaughter by going all Rambo on the Nazis.
Everywhere I go, one of you wants to rope me into Bible classes — and worse, the rest of you know I'm heading for eternal hellfire but choose not to warn me. Thanks for caring.
No more will we have to listen to you Christians screwing up our Old Testament, telling us it mandates creationism and outlaws gay marriage. Come on, you guys can't even figure out the right day of the week to have the Sabbath.
More important, you're going to leave so much stuff.
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