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It's been, shall we say, a fractious dozen months. And in the waning days of his first year, so much of the focus of the 24-hour news circus was focused on Obama's campaign promises that haven't been kept.

Last October, Saturday Night Live hit a nerve when it laid out the grim facts in a skit with Fred Armisen playing the beleaguered Barack: "When you look at my record, it's very clear what I've done so far. And that is . . . nothing. Nada. Almost one year, and nothing to show for it."

A bit of an exaggeration, perhaps, but from gays in the military to Wall Street reform, from getting us out of Iraq to closing Guantánamo Bay, Obama has what seems to be an unusually long Still To Do list.

It gets worse, people! It turns out that list is even longer than we'd figured. The Phoenix has uncovered a secret memo outlining some of the things the POTUS will try to square away in the embryonic days of Year Two.

1) Have one of those "Mad Men days" where everyone drinks booze and smokes butts in the Oval Office; make sure to invite Henry Gates and Cambridge Police Sergeant James Crowley

2) Spit some sick rhymes for that Jay-Z collabo

3) Close Guantánamo Bay prison — and open Guantánamo Bay Club Med